Nsoma was only sixteen when she married Atia. The circumstances surrounding her marriage were intriguing. Nsoma was among a group of girls sent to her auntie’s husband’s house in what is called Kupuka. When an elderly man or woman dies, families of the women in the house will send a group of girls to the funeral house. The Kupugeribas usually take part in many rituals. Dancing the deaya ‘loko’ if it’s a man and if a woman they add ‘be-duko’ meaning covering the pot. They go round the house three times if a man and four times if a woman. After that, they come to the front of the house, chant funeral dirges, and are then given a gift. Sometimes the gift can be for instance a goat or a guinea fowl. The goat or guinea fowl will be let loose to escape. The girls will then chase and catch it. At the end of the funeral, a ceremony is performed. In this ceremony, all the men in the village will gather in the funeral grounds amidst kologo music and a duringa if available. Then the men will say, “Looya looya!” meaning choose among us. One by one each of the girls will come out and choose the men of their interest. Sometimes, the girl would choose the deceased person, in that case, if he had a son, the girl by that had chosen the son. By choosing a man, the girl was not required to marry him or vice versa. Nonetheless, a significant number of people found their life partners through this ceremony. This way, there was no cheating. There was only one young man in Nsoma’s mind when it was her turn to make her choice. His name was Atia. It was at the river that she saw him with his friends, wearing only a loincloth, a skeletal slender body, and a ready warm smile on his face. The others spoke to them, but he never said anything. He was very shy and stood at the back. It was just the way he handled himself that attracted him to her. When she called out his name, the boys reacted immediately and simultaneously in the form of a huge roar of laughter. They mocked at Atia, calling many names. However, this was how their marriage began. Later, she went to his house and they cooked for her and gave her gifts before they left back home. Many years into their marriage, there was no child to bless her heart. In the first year, she was hopeful but as the years passed, her happiness was robed away from her and replaced with anxiety, worry, and a general feeling of helplessness. She didn’t know if it was from his end or her fault and there was no way of knowing. The uncertainty made her feel even worse. She spoke to him about it. Atia told her to leave it to the gods to decide, however, through her insistence, he visited the soothsayer to learn from the ancestors. The ancestors assured him that his family will not end with him. Atia came back and made sacrifices to the gods and ancestors, but no results. She heard of a great herbalist and went together with her husband but still, her moon came every month without fail. People started talking, some right into her face, others in gossips and whispers. She avoided engaging in fights with other women because she knew the weapon they had against her. She wept many a night. Finally, she asked him to marry a second wife so that his family line doesn’t end with him, but he vehemently declined. The death of Atia broke Nsoma into pieces. He had gone with some of his friends to the forest in Sakote to hunt for wild animals and a stray poisonous arrow lodged into his heart. There was no antidote. He died in the forest and they brought the body home to her. She let her heart out, crying uncontrollably and convulsing many times and collapsing four times. After the funeral, Nsoma mourned her husband for two years when the extended family members called her and asked her to find a man among them to perpetuate Atia’s legacy. She chose Asantenko but after a year, the verdict was given. Asantenko had nine children from his two wives combined. Rather than that realisation breaking her even more, it empowered her in ways she could not understand. For the first time in a long time, a smile appeared on her face. People wondered if she has finally picked a seed. Before Atia’s death, she was in the process of arranging a girl from her father’s house, her name was Anipoka. Her family had agreed but she was still in the process of convincing Atia when he died. Instead of ending the process, she went home and spoke about it with her mother who spoke with her father, and then in a few weeks, the late Atia’s new wife arrived. They performed the marital rites for Anipoka who picked a seed in the first year and went ahead to give birth to seven children in total for the deceased Atia. She was not required to disclose the biological father who will remain anonymous and non-existent in the lives of the children. Nsoma lived for a very long time, seeing her teaming children and grandchildren, and a full house. During her funeral, her children killed a cow for her. It was considered the highest honour one can give to their parents. Today, Atia’s house is among one of the most populous houses in the village and many different sub dwelling units. This is an instance in our culture where a woman can marry another woman to perpetuate the lineage. You can judge it the way you like, but there are several lessons that we can pick from the story of Nsoma, which was handed down to yours truly from the ancestors. End of story!

Written by. S.A.A.